Category: Pastors (page 4 of 8)

Awkward Conversation Starters

April 2, 2012 / / 8 Comments /

I talk to a lot of people as a pastor and it’s almost always a pleasure. However, I can usually tell when a conversation isn’t going to go so well when it begins with any of the following phrases.

1. “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but …”

Interpretation: “I actually know that I’m going to be rude, but maybe it won’t be as painful if I smile the entire time.”

2. “I know you are really busy, but …”

Interpretation: “Nothing on your schedule is as important as what I’m about to say. Cancel whatever is next, because I am taking this slot.”

3. “This is going to sound weird, but …”

Interpretation: “I have rehearsed this over and over, but I still sound weird, even to myself. However, even my own weirdness will not prevent me from sharing this with you.”

4. “You probably already know this, but …”

Interpretation: “You think you know, but I really have more insight and you need to hear it from me to get the facts straight. This is gossip, but I am going to present it as a prayer request.”

And finally, one of my all-time favs:

5. “I forgive you even though you did not know you hurt me.”

Interpretation: You made me mad, I realized I was wrong, but I still want you to know you made me mad, even though you did nothing wrong. Do you feel better now?

Thanks for letting me have some fun. People are mostly great, even when they stumble with words. What are some of your favorite, but awkward, conversation starters?

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10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me 15 Years Ago

March 8, 2012 / / 4 Comments /

This is what I taught today to our New Life staff. It is a list of things I wish I had known when I started on this journey as pastor. This would have saved me a lot of pain, for sure. Read my list and then add some of your own.

1. Sheep bites can’t kill me, but the gnawing will make life miserable a few days each year.

2. No matter how hard I try, I will always be tempted to measure my success by attendance numbers.

3. The best thing I can do to build and grow God’s kingdom is to be myself and not compare myself to others.

4. It takes a long time to become old friends so nurture and cherish the old friendships God has given me.

5. I will only have as much spiritual authority as I am willing to submit to myself. Independence will destroy me but there is power in submission.

6. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. Challenge people to go deeper even when the message is unpopular.

7. My brain will always feel like scrambled eggs on Sunday afternoon so don’t make any major decisions until Tuesday morning.

8. Some people will only trust you after a really long time of proving yourself and another group will never trust you no matter what you do.

9. Don’t feel guilty about taking a Sabbath. It was not a suggestion.

10. I will never regret spending time with my family instead of saying yes to a church meeting that someone else could lead.

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A Beautiful Transition

February 18, 2012 / / 1 Comment /

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?

1 Corinthians 15:55

As a pastor, I have been at the bedside of many people who were dying, but last night I witnessed one of the most beautiful transitions from life to eternity that is possible. To respect the privacy of the family, I will not share names, but the wonderful lady who passed away was really special to me for many reasons.

Over four years ago, on my first Sunday as pastor at New Life, I met her at the front of the church. She was with her husband and she was sick with cancer. I prayed with her that day and on most Sundays thereafter. Every week, I could always count on her to be waiting for me after the 9am service, holding a tiny bottle of oil, and a heart full of faith for her healing.

There were seasons where she would rebound with full strength, ready to engage life once again. She was a grandmother and an artist who painted beautiful flowers on porcelain plates that now adorn her modest home. One year, despite the cancer, she helped paint the stage set for our Easter production. She also loved to sing, especially at church with her family and friends around her. Then, the cancer returned, this time attacking her lungs and throat, robbing her of the singing voice we all loved.

A week ago, I was at her home and she was writing personal notes in a huge stack of Valentine’s Day cards for a myriad of family and long time friends. She spoke of her kids and grandkids, her frail voice still strong with hope and encouragement.

At the hospital, on her final night with us, her children and husband gathered with a few of us friends around her bed and we sang “Amazing Grace”. Her breathing relaxed and within minutes a transcendent peace filled the room. Her family wept, but they were also very aware of their mother’s victory. She was no longer suffering and most assuredly, she was now singing the joyful songs of heaven. It was a beautiful transition for a dear saint of a woman, one that I will never forget.

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Multisite Minus the Big Screen

February 13, 2012 / / 8 Comments /

In just a few weeks, New Life will open a new location near the center of our downtown district for people to gather and worship. When most large churches open new locations, the sermon is from the lead pastor and is shown via video with some very cool technology making that possible. In this season at New Life, we are exploring another option. We will have a very real and present human teaching the Scriptures.

I am not here to pick a fight with all my pastor friends who have video campuses. There is certainly merit to each approach and I certainly respect the innovation and technology that allows some of our best communicators access to growing audiences. But I do think our approach has strengths that need to be considered, too.

1. We are giving young communicators a chance to grow

I remember all the chances I got while in my 20’s and early 30’s to actually study and preach a sermon. Mostly, it was on street corners on Saturday mornings, or at rescue missions right before lunch, or at some small, rural church led by one of my relatives. But they all were opportunities to learn, to fail and to ultimately grow up. Preaching and teaching, like any other skill set, requires reps and it is hard to get 10,000 hours of needed practice when there are fewer and fewer openings on the preaching calendar.

2. We get the privilege of studying together

Our model of campus expansion calls for each campus to preach from the same text each Sunday, allowing for some differences based on life lessons and personality. This means we have the privilege of studying together. Yes, it is a privilege. Since I have started this with a group of young leaders, my overall study time has been reduced by at least 30% and my preaching has gotten better, or at least, my wife says so. Together, we can read more Scriptures, study more commentaries and have better exegetical debates than if the burden of study rests on just one person. Plus, the unity that is forged in these collaborative study sessions is very powerful and only helps on Sunday in the pulpit.

3. We get to pastor people right in front of us

There is an unmistakable bond that happens between the teacher of the Scriptures and the listener each week. I want to look people in the eye and pay attention to what God is up to in the room and I cannot do that effectively by video. I love when the Holy Spirit alters my course in a gathering because of something unique happening in the hearts of people. Then in the next gathering, I don’t sense those deters, so I follow my outline with equal effectiveness. Somehow, for me, I need to be in front of people to be at my prophetic best.

We are just starting this journey and I am very thankful for a talented team of communicators at New Life that makes experiments like this possible. I may very well use technology to primarily communicate at future campus sites, but for now I really like the relational path we are on together.

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Which Master are We Serving?

January 9, 2012 / / 2 Comments /

“The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.” Proverbs 22:7 (NIV)

Debt is the new master of our culture. It rules over many of our homes, it certainly dominates our federal and state governments, but sadly it is now the master of many of our churches. Proverbs warned us about this and told us plainly that when debt is the master, the poor are enslaved and we become servants to a master that is not always kind.

New Life Church has $23 million of debt after building our current meeting space and purchasing some other properties. When the decision was made to borrow the money eight years ago, the church was growing really fast and giving was on the increase. The leaders felt the debt was manageable and could be paid off easily in a few years. It was a solid decision at the time.

Since then, our church has suffered through a scandal, a shooting and a shrinking local economy. Suddenly what was once manageable became the master that has kept us from some vital ministry opportunities in our city and world. When we wanted to serve the poor, we instead, had to send in mortgage payments to a credit union.

This past Sunday, our church took a historic first step to move the mountain of debt, and we will, with God’s wisdom and help. It may take days, months or even years, but we are determined to be debt free, untangled from the world system of debt and interest payments and better yoked with real kingdom purposes.

Proverbs 22:7 confronts what most of us have chosen to believe — that immense debt has no consequences, but it does. Imagine what our churches could do if we focused as much on solving the housing shortage that keeps the working poor in the shadows, living in cars with their children, as we did dreaming up the next building project to expand our campuses?

I am not against big buildings because large, growing families need space to meet and to do ministry. I just want balance. I want us to live simple lives, avoiding extravagance, especially when it keeps us from the real ministry of Jesus in our cities. If Jesus saw a working single mom living in a car with her children, he would buy apartment complexes and then maybe, a place for them to worship, later.

What has the debt at our churches kept us from doing in our cities? That’s the big question we’re answering right now at New Life. It has been revelatory for me to talk with our people about this. The light has come on for all of us and we’re beginning to imagine and dream about ministry that can really change people’s lives.

Let’s make sure we are serving the right master, not a world system that gives us easy money and then makes us servants who then have to ask permission to do the things we have already been told to do by our true Master.

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The Howdy that Saved a Life

December 27, 2011 / / 4 Comments /

Almost every Sunday, I encourage New Lifers to find someone they have never met and introduce themselves. It is probably the most important thing we do as a church family besides the Sacraments and the Scriptures. A few Sundays ago, a New Lifer turned around and met a man for the first time and probably saved his life.

This man had planned to take his own life by driving off a cliff later in the day, but decided to come to New Life beforehand to give God one more chance. When the New Lifer met him at the end of the gathering, he was obviously distraught. Instead of ignoring the man’s pain, the New Lifer prayed with him and introduced him to one of our pastors who took him to an office and met with him for about 90 minutes.

He was a totally different person after that time and assured us he was content to live now and would resume seeing his therapist, which he did, because we checked. All of this, because a New Lifer turned and said hello. Sometimes ministry to people is so simple – look at them, listen to them and care about their stories.

Several times in Paul’s letters to the churches, he encouraged them to greet one another with a holy kiss. The kissing part does not go over so well in Colorado, but the greeting part sure does. If church is an assembly of believers who belong to the same family, then sincere greetings should be a big part of the family gatherings every week. If not, we will become the cold “sit, listen and leave” church.

Not every handshake and introduction will save a life, but every close friend I have today started with one of us introducing ourselves and asking some questions. For some, this is super scary, for others it is not. No matter the nervousness, it is a powerful part of the local church becoming a close family and is proof to a distraught world that there is a place for them in God’s healing home.

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We Are Family

December 20, 2011 / / 2 Comments /

My family and I came from Texas to pastor New Life Church over four years ago, not knowing anyone in the congregation except the members of the search committee. Each Sunday, I would look into the faces of thousands of strangers, wanting desperately to be known and to know them and their stories. It was the loneliest time of my pastoral journey.

But then something happened this past summer. We became a family, after four years of intentional plowing. I realize it takes a long time to become old friends. It cannot be rushed, programmed or forced. It simply takes time. I have wondered in the past few months how does a church become a family assembly instead of a gathering of strangers? What is the ground that must be plowed in order for family roots to take hold and ultimately blossom in the local church?

1. Families know how to disagree

This does not sound warm and fuzzy does it? But it’s true. Healthy families have learned to honorably disagree and to defend the unity that is so critical for the long term strength of the home. I see people every week that have disagreed with me, but have decided to persevere and forge a friendship despite our differences. This is why I believe church families and marriages are so similar. No one can stay married if they always need to be right. Great marriages and great church families have learned to love while they are fussing and are quick to offer forgiveness and grace.

2. Families celebrate and mourn with one another

Healthy families embrace the rhythms of each other’s lives, rejoicing when the others are rejoicing and mourning when the others are sad. This past Sunday, I learned of a dear New Lifer who had just been placed in hospice because of cancer. Later, a despondent single mom asked me to pray with her for her prodigal son. Minutes later, a sweet grandmother told me her daughter, son-in-law, and all their children had just decided to follow Jesus. She had prayed for them for 13 years. I was sad, then I rejoiced. That is family.

3. Families make room for new arrivals

When babies are born, the family celebrates the new arrival. No one is sad because more room has to be made at the dinner table. The same is true with healthy church families. They are always ready to welcome the new arrivals at the table. I refuse to apologize that New Life is a large church. I know it can be overwhelming at times to walk into a big building full of strange faces. Believe me, I know. But I have also found that if I simply give it time, people will embrace me if I make room for the embrace.

4. Families serve one another

Healthy church families are keenly aware of the needs all around them. In the early church, it was said “there were no needy persons among them” (Acts 4:34). What a beautiful picture of family surrounding each other, embracing the broken, and giving generously so that everyone has an advocate and hope.

I am most grateful to belong to a family that can disagree and still love, celebrates and mourns with each other, makes room for the new arrivals and is quick to serve and bless. We are a growing family. Amen.

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Should Everyone Be Treated the Same?

December 15, 2011 / / 2 Comments /

We live in a society that puts a high value on justice and everyone being equal. That’s fine for personal rights and liberties, but I do not think everyone should be treated the same on a church staff. We are all unique people with different callings, different skills and different functions. All of us are valuable parts of the body, but all of us are not kneecaps, therefore we cannot be treated the same and still live up to our potential.

On our team here at New Life Church, we have men and women who fill different functions. Some are adminisrators who need to be in the office Monday thru Friday 9am to 5pm in order to fulfill their very important roles. This is a matter of function, not status. Because I allow others to arrive at different times and on different days is not because they are superior or more important, it is a matter of function.

I believe one of the reasons many churches have a hard time attracting highly creative people is that we force right brain people to live in a left brain world. Most churches are run by studious left brain people who have a hard time living alongside people who do their best work late at night or alone in a coffee shop.

All of us should have the same character convictions and the same steadfast love for Jesus and his church. Everyone should have clear expectations, be evaluated regularly and  be expected to fulfill their assignments.  These are non-negotiable. What is negotiable are schedules and primary responsibilities. What seems unfair to people with a strong sense of justice may actually be a source of life to another. All of us want to be productive and fruitful for God, but not all of us can do it the same way.

My goal as pastor is to find out what God is doing in each person on the team, encourage them greatly, provide safe boundaries so they can flourish, encourage experimentation, learn from our failures and celebrate our wins. Some of those wins will happen in the predictable left brain world and some will happen in the seemingly chaotic world of the right brainer. Either way, we win.

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Confronting Sin in the Local Church

November 7, 2011 / / 4 Comments /

A man in our church came to me recently with a heavy heart. His daughter was married to a man who had recently been caught in adultery. The couple went to another church here in town and the father contacted their pastor to see if he would confront his son-in-law on this obvious sin. The pastor refused, not seeing it as his duty. What? Not his duty? If we’re really pastors, it’s actually one of our primary responsibilities, especially if we love the people we lead.

Not surprisingly, fewer and fewer church leaders are willing to go to people who are living in open sin and confront them. Why? Do we lack the courage? Are we ignoring the biblical mandate as leaders to protect the innocent from the harmful?

Many times in my role as pastor and elder, I have had hard meetings with people in the church. I never look forward to them and I certainly get no joy from them, but they are super necessary if the church is to remain healthy. In fact, some of the great spiritual breakthroughs I’ve experienced as a leader have happened after I had dealt scripturally with sin issues. God tends to show up in churches where there is repentance, grace and spiritual health.

Primarily, I believe elders and pastors have a responsibility to graciously confront people in three key areas.

1. Unrepentant Sin

“But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. WIth such a man do not even eat. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. Expel the wicked man from among you.” 1 Corinthians 5:11-13 NIV

Paul is talking about people who are aware of their disobedience, but refuse to repent and change their behavior. Obviously Paul is not talking about moral perfection, but he is challenging us to confront people so they can turn away from the very things that will destroy their lives. Compassion, not angry judgment, is the motivation for challenging their behavior. Notice, also, that Paul is not talking about confronting unbelievers, who show up to explore Jesus in our churches. We must love them and model grace, by all means. He is talking about people who call themselves Christians, but are purposely being deceitful.

2. Divisive Behavior

“Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him.” Titus 3:10 NIV

Nothing welcomes the work of the Holy Spirit into a church more than unity. That’s why it is so important to protect it. Divisiveness occurs when people are more concerned about winning an argument than building a friendship. Divisive people do not want an honest debate or to possibly be enlightened by new information, they want to win at all costs. Divisive people are the most difficult to confront because they normally enjoy angry debates, but we still must go to them for their sake and the health of the fellowship.

3. Heresy or false teaching

“As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain men not to teach false doctrines any longer nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. These promote controversies rather than God’s work – which is by faith.” I Timothy 1:3-4

I remember when I was on staff at Gateway Church, in the early days when only a few hundred were attending, a young couple asked to meet with me. We were sitting at an I-Hop restaurant, and they told me they did not believe in the virgin birth, but they still wanted to lead one of our small groups. I told them as nicely as possible that they were certainly welcome to attend, but they could not lead or influence others while believing such doctrine. I never saw them again, and that is a bummer, but I am also thankful that the flock I was assigned to protect was able to hear sound teaching from group leaders.

As a pastor, I get to participate in a lot of great events like weddings, baby dedications, sermons on Sunday, leading worship at the Lord’s table and singing together as a worshipping family. However, shepherds are not only suppose to lead sheep beside still waters, but also protect them from wolves when needed. It is not warm, fuzzy or fun, but it is a clear mandate from the Chief Shepherd, without a doubt.

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Every Church Needs a Dad

October 31, 2011 / / 2 Comments /

This past weekend, Pastor Jimmy Evans from Trinity Fellowship Church in Amarillo, Tx., spoke at New Life while I was at his church speaking for him. Pastor Jimmy is more than a guest, he is an Overseer for our fellowship. Overseers are men who serve the church at the request of the elders and help us with wise counsel and guidance when needed, which in our case, is often.

Pastor Jimmy has been my friend for over 15 years and has taught me more about healthy church leadership than any other person. Pam and I were members of Trinity Fellowship in the 1990’s and it was Pastor Jimmy who helped restore our love for the local church. When he comes to New Life, it seems like dad has arrived for a visit to his grown son’s house.

Every church needs a dad like Pastor Jimmy and every pastor needs a friend they can call and ask “dad” questions. Most pastors have peers who come hang out or speak from time to time and some have younger men they are mentoring, but most leaders are void of the voice of a dad in their lives.

I suppose the church is a mere reflection of our culture, where dads are primarily distant, disconnected or nowhere to be found. The early Christ followers certainly realized the strength of the apostles and elders who led them and would have never considered a church to be healthy if spiritual dads were not around.

When dad is present in the family, sons tend to thrive in the safety of a relationship that is there to encourage and challenge them. Dads have the gift to remind us of our calling, our heritage and to confirm the potential we think see inside ourselves.

New Life is blessed to have Jimmy Evans, Tom Lane, Jack Hayford, Robert Morris and Larry Stockstill as Overseers. We are thankful they said yes to being dads for our church. We need their voices and their visits more than ever.

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