Warner Brother’s new horror movie Orphan proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. As the dad of two adopted children, that is simply not true. Pam and I do not have any biological children to compare with the two we adopted, but I cannot imagine loving my biological child any more than I love Abram and Callie.

There are certainly challenges associated with taking an orphaned child into your home. Most of the children who have been orphaned have been traumatized, abandoned, neglected or abused.  Parents need a lot of prayer, counsel and support before, during and after the adoption.  Ask any family who has adopted, and many will tell you it is difficult, but they will also tell you the rewards for rescuing a child are eternal.

I have two friends who are close to finalizing their adoption of a little girl from the state foster system. They have battled through sleepless nights, wrestled with doubt, and heard horrible stories about the little girl’s past, but I have also seen God give them strength for the journey. Most importantly, a little girl’s life will be forever changed for the good because a young couple had the courage to adopt.

Right now, many families in our city are praying about adopting orphans from our state’s foster system through Wait No More. In the past months, over 200 children have found permanent homes because of the efforts of churches and ministries across our state.  By faith, I believe Colorado will have a waiting list of parents wanting children and not a waiting list of children wanting families. There are over 3000 churches in Colorado and less than 600 orphans.  It is realistic to believe our state could be the first in the union without any foster children.

I do not plan to see the movie, Orphan, but I do plan to champion the idea of adoption for the rest of my life. It’s pure. It’s undefiled. It’s religion that pleases God.

Psalms 51: 10-12 (NKJV)

“Create in me a clean heart, O God. And renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit.”

There are three things I cannot live without. No matter how good my life may seem on the outside, I must have these three things for life to be good on the inside. 

1. A clean heart

I have learned that I am in control of what takes up residence in my heart and I am the one who determines if my heart is clean or corrupt. I have lived with a corrupt heart and I have lived with a clean heart, and I have discovered that living honestly before God is a much better life. Condemnation, guilt, shame and despair are lousy roommates compared to grace, mercy and peace.  I have learned that confession is indeed, good for the soul. I have learned that If I am honest before God about the areas where I struggle, God is quick to forgive and generous with His grace. If I hide, the enemy has a feast on the dark places. If I walk in the light, the enemy runs because he cannot torment me when the rooms of my heart are illuminated by God.

2. The presence of the Holy Spirit

I cannot think of a more miserable life than one without the Holy Spirit. Jesus was right – the Holy Spirit gives us power, guides us in the way of truth and does not leave us as orphans.  Life with the Holy Spirit guarantees immediate access to the throne of God, the ways of God, the mind of Christ and the voice of heaven. Life is too dangerous, too risky, and too mysterious if we do not have the Holy Spirit. I am grateful to live in the age of the New Covenant where the Holy Spirit has made us His temple and chooses to make us his permanent dwelling place and not just a place of occasional visits.

3. The joy of my salvation

I am born again and I can’t get over it. I remember how my life was a train wreck before Jesus. I remember the joy I found 21 years ago, next month, when I said yes to following Him. Since then, life certainly has not been a perpetual Disney experience and I have not always enjoyed life or always been happy. Psalms 51 was written after David was exposed by Nathan the prophet as an adulterer and murderer. King David not only had lost his moral compass, he had lost his joy. Not long ago, Pam asked me if I was enjoying life. At the time, I had to be honest. I told her no. Since that lunch two months ago, I have been on a mission to rediscover the simple joy of following Jesus. I realized, once again that day, that life is better if there is joy. I am determined this joy will not be taken from me again. It is a gift from heaven and I cannot imagine life without it.

I am not super worried about the next generation. I am concerned, but I am not worried. For sure we have a crisis on our hands as alarming numbers of students are leaving the church after turning 18 and the youth culture continues to grow darker. But, all is not lost. This summer, around 6000 students came to our campus in Colorado Springs for one of two Desperation Conferences. I watched them worship, pray and seek God and it has renewed my faith in this new tribe of Christ followers.  We should all be hopeful.  Take a look at my reasons below and even add your own if you wish.

1.      They have seen the worst of Christianity but the best of Jesus

The next generation expects very little from their older adult leaders. We have failed them for the most part – promising to live with integrity, but allowing ourselves to become corrupt. The next generation has instead put their hopes in Jesus and has become less impressed with spiritual rock stars. I think that is a good thing. The next generation is not impressed with hype and can spot a poser almost immediately. They appreciate sincerity, authenticity and candidness, but immediately reject flamboyance, arrogance or pride. In some ways, broken leaders have done them a service. The focus was always supposed to be on Jesus and the cross and not on those who could speak or sing well.

2.      They love tribe

This next generation will survive and thrive because of their pure devotion to God and to each other.  They love and appreciate community. They love tribe.  They still struggle with selfishness and believing they are the center of the universe, but they have a deep appreciation for authentic friendships.  They love the safety of relationships even at the risk of hurt or abandonment. They place a high value on loyalty and cling to the idea that together they are more powerful than when alone.

3.      They have been tempted by the best but have overcome

No other time in America has the culture been more obsessed with sex and possessions. The web, movies and all of pop culture is filled with landmines that can kill, steal and destroy our purity and worship. Yet, a growing number of students are saying no to the intense temptations of our age and have committed themselves to the paths of righteousness. They may smell like smoke, but they have not been consumed by the fire.

4.      They are willing to live for something bigger than themselves

It is amazing how many students at New Life have given up Saturdays to serve others or gone oversees to build orphanages and help the poor. They are willing to sleep in tents in the bush of East Africa for weeks or pick up the trash in a poor neighborhood. They have filled our hallways with canned goods so local food banks can be re-stocked. They have said “yes” to the Great Commission.

We should continue to pray passionately for the next generation, but rest assured, there is a new tribe forming that has already decided to live free and change the world.

Helping a Hurt Church Heal

Charisma Magazine asked me to consider writing an article about the healing that is happening at New Life. Here are some thoughts I am having today. I would enjoy hearing your feedback, especially if you are a New Lifer who has been on this journey with me.

In August 2007, I became the Senior Pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs. 10 months earlier, in November 2006, the church was rocked by scandal when the founding pastor, Ted Haggard, admitted to a relationship with a male prostitute. It was a story that made international headlines and caused great hurt among the 12,000 members of the church. Four months after I became the leader, a gunman came on our campus and killed two teenage girls, wounded two others before taking his own life in the hallway of our main building.  In 13 months, the church twice made international headlines and suffered more traumas than any single church in America had experienced in the past 30 years.

I am not an expert on helping people heal but I am experienced.  What did I learn the past two years that could help others heal? What should leaders and pastors do to help a church who has suffered?

1.      Talk about what happened

Christians are notorious posers.  We have even been taught erroneously that talking about bad stuff is bad confession and proof that we have no faith. What theological baloney! If you have been hurt, the worst thing you can do is ignore what happened.  I had to lead by talking about it in Sunday talks, in staff meetings, and in private conversations with members. I regularly discussed my own hurts and my own disappointments which gave everyone else permission to talk about what they were experiencing. When people are allowed to be authentic and take off their “church masks” their hearts are opened to the Holy Spirit and real healing can begin.

2.      Deal with the pain

I believe the bible teaches us that is ok not to be ok.  It also teaches us that it’s not ok to remain in the dark places of life. I believe in the power of the Gospel to repair and restore all of broken humanity, but we must cooperate with the Holy Spirit to experience this healing.  Hours after the shooting, hundreds of pastors and volunteer counselors began meeting with New Lifers who had been traumatized. In many cases, after talking about the shooting for a few minutes, many New Lifers admitted they had never dealt with the pain of the scandal.  It was a reminder to all of us that time does not heal all wounds, it only hides them.  We were determined to deal with the pain, so we kept trained counselors on hand and offered several settings where people could receive nurture, prayer and inner healing. We did not get in a hurry with this process and allowed people to process their own pain at their own pace. Many leaders want instant healing when the human soul often takes time to heal, even under the best circumstances.

3.      Move to the next exhibit

When I take my kids to the zoo, they often want to stay at the lion exhibit or the monkey exhibit for what seems like forever. I often have to move a few steps away from them and act like I am walking completely away to get them to look at another exhibit.  Once they see me walking, they pry themselves away from the monkeys and join me at the giraffe exhibit. I have learned that I could not ignore the pain of the church, but I also could not spend the rest of my life looking at the same exhibit. Scars are a reminder of a traumatic event, but we do not have to be defined by them. At some point in the journey we must move forward. Fresh wind of heaven has to fill our sails and move us to new waters.  God is not finished with any of us and He certainly has not forgotten how to take a broken piece of humanity, restore them and set them on new path to higher places.

Miraculously, New Life is thriving today and experiencing what can only be described as God’s favor and blessing.  No one at New Life would say we are completely healed, but most New Lifers would agree that a great deal of restoration has already happened because we talked about it, dealt with the pain and we moved to the next exhibit in our lives.

Twitter – @pastorbrady

The first members of the first church birthed by God and led by the apostles in Jerusalem understood the idea of living in a tribe. Most of the first followers were Jewish and members of one of the 12 tribes of Israel. They understood tribal customs and traditions, most knew the land boundaries that had been established by Joshua, and most of them understood the importance of protecting the sacred distinctions and language given to them.

Tribe was a part of their ethos and that is one of the main reasons the early church survived and even thrived under intense persecution. Relationships, customs and the bond of family only grew stronger once they became followers of Christ and began living life in the tribe of the local church. After intense debate, they were even willing to include the Gentiles into their tribe which helped spread the message of Jesus around the entire world.

We tend to think that family and tribe are the same, but they are not. Tribes are made up of families who choose to live together, honor the same customs, speak the same language, and protect the interests of one another. Tribes are ruled by councils made up of trusted representatives from numerous families.  Families are definitely the cells, but the tribe makes up the total body.

I realize we have to fix the family or we will never live in a tribe.  Parents are supposed to teach us about God and about living in unity with each other and with other families.  If all the families are fractured, there is no hope for a healthy tribe.  Marriages must be strengthened, a biblical worldview must guide us in our homes and we must teach our children that no one person is the center of the universe. Only then can tribes begin to emerge out of the local fellowships we call churches.

I love the tribe that is emerging at New Life.  We are breaking free from our independent, self-focused existence and starting to live in tribe. We have declared our absolute dependence on God and our need to live in authentic community.  Our tribe believes Scripture is a light for our path and a lamp for our feet and we believe if we pray and live free lives, we can change the world.

Church talks are too safe and too sterile many times. I think pastors and leaders should regularly talk about the awkward topics that are mentioned in the Bible like money and sex.  For the most part, church leaders have avoided these matters and consequently, the two issues that wreck most marriages and most families are sexual issues and financial issues.

I announced this weekend that I would be tackling both topics in the next several weeks as a part of my new sermon series on Proverbs and even cautioned parents that the talk at New Life on Sunday, June 28^th would be rated PG-13.  The topic I will tackle on the 28th is one that many parents have yet to discuss with their young children, so I wanted them to know before they came that Sunday morning.

PG-13 does not mean that I will use crude language to communicate the Gospel or that I will use inappropriate illustrations or anecdotes during a Sunday talk. The rating is based on the subject matter. Scripture does not avoid the delicate topics of sexuality and money and neither should we as church leaders. The challenge is to discuss these issues in a public forum like Sunday morning without offending people with language or illustrations that could be viewed as salacious.

I will do my best to avoid the unnecessary clutter of carnality, but I am also determined to speak the truth of Scripture so that all of us can begin living free lives and enjoy all that God created for us, including blessed finances and healthy sexuality.

I don’t think every Sunday should be rated PG-13, but I am ready to talk about the issues we are all facing in our journey to live like Jesus in a world that looks less and less like Him. Money and sex will be discussed at New Life without apologies and with great grace for the listener.  Awkward moments can be learning moments if we have the courage and maturity to listen, discuss and change where needed.

I just read the sad news of another prominent pastor who had to resign because of a moral failure. The church website has the letter that was read to the congregation this past weekend. Those letters are becoming too common.

In November 2006, a similar letter was read at New Life and we are still feeling the pain today. I understand that leaders will always disappoint us to some degree and I certainly know I am not immune to the same temptations. I just pray I never have to write that letter.

There are three ideas that govern my heart and to date, have kept me from disqualifying myself as a husband, father and pastor. First, I love the God who redeemed me and I do not want to disappoint Him. The more I discover His grace for me, the less I want to sin.

Second, I love Pam and am grateful for the covenant relationship we have had for almost 20 years. She is a treasure to me and I cannot imagine having to tell her about my failure. It would be too painful to look in her eyes.

Third, I do not want another man to raise my children. One of the saddest songs I have ever heard is a Toby Keith tune called, “Who’s that Man Living my Life?” It tells of a man who parks his pickup across the street from his old house and watches another man play outside with his kids. The pain of watching Abram and Callie living with another man is enough to keep me from doing something stupid.

I hope we read fewer letters written by fallen pastors to disappointed churches. My prayer is that all of us live open and honest lives, submitted to real authority, so we can move the Kingdom forward and write fewer apologies.