I used to struggle over what type of leader and influencer of people I felt I was, until the Holy Spirit validated my “style” one day. He said there are those who lead Cognitively - i.e. by articulating concepts succinctly, offering quotable sound bites, and casting vision; but there are also those who influence a change in others’ behavior towards growth and maturity by being transparent about what God is doing in their own lives and inviting a matching level of disclosure from the person who they come alongside to coach - relational leadership.

Engaging people in “discovery” types of conversations would be as if we were accompanying a person with sight blindness on a train or car and describing all that we see out the window, including the impressions they make on us, to them. Hopefully, we become less “preachy” or condescendent to them; or as one small group leader remarked with piquant acuity to me once, “how come I feel like I’m a project to you when we’re together?”

There is great value in the kind of mutually transparent conversation that will create that moment of opportunity when either person might feel safe enough to express a deep desire or shortcoming as described by James, “Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart].” - Ja. 5:16 (AMP)

I want to offer those around me an atmosphere where they experience the “unforced rhythms of grace” described in Mt. 11:29 (MSG). When people trust me enough to be honest about their journey then I have effectively earned a place of influence in their lives. That’s relational leadership.