Scott Stanley, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at The University of Denver, offers five tips to help couples strengthen their marriages:

1. Approach marriage like you would a long-term financial investment. Marriages that thrive are those in which people continue to make deposits.

2. Develop with your partner a mutual sense of the future. Take the idea of forever as a given, not an option. Don’t threaten it by bringing up divorce or separation.

3. Make your marriage a priority. Everyone is busy, but too often the things that matter most are pushed to the background or taken for granted in favor of the most pressing need.

4. Sacrifice in little ways. That means both partners. Do something your spouse enjoys but that you ordinarily would not choose.

5. Find time to talk regularly as friends. Conversations between spouses often are dominated by issues and problems. Just enjoy each other’s company.

Investments like these will reap a successful return in your marriage.

Proverbs 9:1 says that “Wisdom has built her house;”

Both wisdom and folly have a house, and all of our children are invited to visit. 

Our kids, throughout their time in our home, will be faced with a barrage of choices.  At that moment, it’s not just choosing between right and wrong, but it’s the ability to put into practice what they’ve been taught.

Jesus taught us in Matthew 7 that having a house that is built upon the rock, or a house built on sand depends completely upon what we do with God’s Word. 

Parents can help their children to have secure, stable lives by teaching them to become doers of God’s Word at home.

The Bible talks a lot about the wise person. A wise person loves wisdom.

Psalm 1:2 says the wise person loves God’s law.  He is always thinking about it.’ He meditates on it day and night.

The wise person always wants to learn more.  He is never too tired to think about wisdom.

Even a wise person makes mistakes, but the difference between a wise person and a foolish person is the wise person loves correction.

Proverbs 9:8 says, ‘Show a wise man how he is wrong!  He will love you for your correction.’

According to Proverbs 9:9, The wise person even WANTS you to teach him.  ‘Teach a wise man and he will become still wiser.’

It’s interesting to note that the Bible doesn’t just say the wise CHILD, it says the wise PERSON.

We can all learn more.  We can all grow in knowledge.  The Bible teaches us God’s wisdom.

Great kids who love God and love people don’t just happen.

It has always been important to us to have children who are good communicators. You know, the kind of kids who could walk in a room and carry on a conversation with anyone and everyone. Kids who would have enough confidence and respect to visit with older people rather than ignore them.

It’s important to train your children how to make eye contact, give a good firm handshake, introduce themselves, and interact with people. Teach them how to show an interest in others rather than just talking about themselves.

When you’re driving in the car with your children, it’s more productive to visit with them than to listen to music or talk on your cell phone. Use every opportunity you have to communicate with your kids.

If you will talk to them when they are little, they will talk to you when you are old.

Moms and Dads need wisdom, too! When our children were little, we needed wisdom to raise them according to God’s Word. Now that our children are grown with children of their own, we need wisdom on how to relate to them as adults.

Thankfully, because we did some things right when they were little—and because of the grace of God—they WANT us involved in their lives. How do we do that without intruding or imposing?

We’ve found it’s best to wait until they ASK for our input. And, then when they do, we try to give it in bite-size pieces. It’s also important to make sure we are encouraging them to walk in agreement with their spouse, so we are always cautious to direct them back to their spouse.

The Bible says if we answer a matter—give our opinion—before we have all the facts, we are a fool. So, it’s important to have all the facts, both sides of the story, before we offer advice.  Successfully parenting adult children can be one of the most rewarding and fullfilling experiences a mom and dad can have.

As our children grow up, they shouldn’t just develop chronologically and physically.  The Bible speaks about growing up spiritually. 

1 Samuel 2:11 says “the boy, Samuel, continued to grow in stature and in favor with the Lord and with people.”

The Gospels say a similar thing about the Lord in Luke 2:52. “And as Jesus grew up, he increased in wisdom and in favor with God and people.”

Although Jesus was God, it seems that he had to grow up just like any other child.

The one distinctive in both Samuel and Jesus’ story is that they not only grew up physically each year, but they grew in favor with God and with people.

The favor of God on our children is the biggest blessing they could receive.  Having favor with people is also a big advantage for our kids. 

Becky and I believe with you for your children and grandchildren as they grow up…

…that they will increase in wisdom and favor with God and with people.

The most successful marriage is one in which forgiveness is often sought and richly given.

Forgiveness plays such a crucial role in all of our relationships, but especially in our marriage. 

Marriages are made miserable because one or both partners are unwilling or unable to forgive.  In some homes, the sun rises and sets each day without a kind word being spoken or a tender touch being felt.

A husband cannot allow unforgiveness to develop toward his wife…

…and a wife must not hold onto offenses toward her husband.

Releasing the hurts and extending tenderness, love and forgiveness toward our mate is the only way for marriage partners to continue to become one…as Jesus taught.

Today, let the hurts go.  Release the resentment, excuse the offenses and forgive your mate in the same way Jesus forgave you.

Let forgiveness be often sought and richly given in your marriage.

Proverbs 2 gives parents some great foundational truths to teach their children:

·        My son, accept my words! Believe God’s Word is true.

·        Hide my commands inside yourself!

·        Listen to wisdom.

·        You should desire to learn.

·        Ask for knowledge!

·        Cry aloud to learn more!

·        Look for wisdom, as you would look for silver!

·        Search for it, as you would search for gold!

·        When you have wisdom, you will understand how to respect God.

·        When you have wisdom you will really know God.

·        Wisdom is God’s gift.

·        God’s words provide knowledge and wisdom.

·        He brings success to those who do right.

·        He protects honest people.

·        He guards good people.

·        He protects those who trust him.

“Hey, how are you?”

“Great! How are you?”

“Awesome. How are things?”

“We are doing great! Never been better.”

“Me, too! It doesn’t get much better than this.”

“I know! We’ve never been happier. How are your kids?”

“They are great! How about yours?”

“Oh, they are such blessings. How are things at the office?”

“It couldn’t be any better! How is your wife?”

“Seems like we are more in love today than we’ve ever been.”

“Us, too…” and on and on and on.

Often, the very people having those verbal exchanges are facing financial difficulty, tension in their home, a physical sickness, troubled children, fear of a job loss, personal discouragement or all of the above. Yet we don’t feel like we can “share our burdens,” even with close friends or leaders in the church. Why is that? What is the balance between “hold fast to your profession of faith,” and “bear one another’s burdens,” “weep with those who weep,” or “we that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak”?

This subject is probably too involved to tackle in a few paragraphs, but maybe it will stir us to a greater openness to and with people.

Several recent incidents have prompted a lot of thought and prayer on this matter. We’ve all known people, even close Christian friends, who “suddenly” end up in divorce court. They divorce over issues that have built up over months and years. Have you ever wondered why those friends didn’t ask for help? We recently learned that a young woman we met years ago who worked closely with the leadership of one of the largest Christian organizations in the world committed suicide because she found herself in a situation that appeared hopeless. She was in over her head and felt she had nowhere to turn…with Christian leaders all around her.

One of the most tragic incidents concluded with a young friend of ours being sentenced to a minimum of 21 years in prison. He admitted guilt for crimes that were grievous, and we prayed for all who were adversely affected. I accept the fact that there are repercussions for his actions, yet when I heard the sentence announced, I wept. This young man has been a family friend for over 27 years. He was 4 years old when we first met him, and we saw him nearly every day for over 15 years.

Our typical response when we hear of a Christian caught in sin is to be shocked, but perhaps there should be a pause and some self-examination. Although I knew I wasn’t responsible for this young friend’s sentence, I was open to the fact that maybe I had missed something, somewhere in those 15 years.

I asked Dave these questions: “Is there anything about US that makes people feel they can’t ask us for help? Why weren’t we spiritually sensitive enough to detect that there was a problem? Do we personally or as the Body of Christ create an environment with our shallow conversation and busy life that prevents people from sharing serious issues? Are WE too proud to ask for help when we need it?”

Romans 15:1 in The Message Bible says, “Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status.” It is very important to remember that the “oppressed” spoken about in Galatians 6:2 aren’t necessarily unsaved people who live across the ocean or on “the wrong side of the tracks.” It could be one of your closest friends, a leader at church, the neighbor you wave to every morning.

These scriptures require action: stoop down, reach out, share their burden, step in, set him right, restore, reinstate, lend a hand.

We must remember that the strength we have been given from God is “for service, not status.”

In order to have a happy home, it is essential that we live and walk together in the Spirit. 

The carnal man will never be able to receive spiritual things, but Jesus teaches how we can really live an abundant life.  Here are some of His ideas:

a.     If you want to be first—you must be last

b.     Want to live?—you must first die

c.      Want to receive?—you must give

d.     Want to be exalted?—you must humble yourself

e.      Want to be great?—you must be a servant

f.       Want to sit at the front?—you must take a seat toward the back

g.     What to increase?—you must share and sow good seeds that will produce a harvest of righteousness in the family

Laying down your life for the needs and feelings of your spouse and your children is a part of the answer to any familiy’s struggle.