Several years ago, after speaking on the topic of family at a large church, we participated in a Q & A. We responded to the standard questions about raising children, resolving conflict, communication, etc. Then, the question, “What have you had to sacrifice personally to have the family you have today?”

Sacrifice: surrender something for the sake of something else; something given up or lost;

Sacrifice. When we were 25 years old and Christine and Jessica were three months old, we were offered what looked like the opportunity of a lifetime at a large church on an impressive campus with a prominent television ministry and a famous pastor. After spending several hours with the pastor, his wife joined us. She walked into the office, sat on the corner of his gaudy desk and said, “Now, we have realized we will have to sacrifice our family for the sake of this ministry…….” Sacrifice. That was the last thing I remember hearing. I couldn’t wait to get out of that office and on the plane back to Tulsa and to our babies. Decision made. We would NEVER sacrifice our children for that large, impressive, prominent, famous ministry or any other. Sadly, those pastors lost their family and their ministry.

We made a decision to invest in Christian education for our four children from kindergarten through college. Consequently, we drove our cars until they couldn’t be driven anymore (the infamous Corsica), we had mediocre wardrobes, and we put a piece of plywood under the cushions of our powder blue sectional to keep from sinking to the floor when we sat on it.  

Dave and I had regular date nights–every Tuesday and Friday and most Saturdays, sitting on metal bleachers cheering for our children as they played basketball, baseball, soccer, softball, ran track, sang in the choir or played in the band. With video camera in hand, we were there.

Each member of our family individually embraced the calling to care for others. We spent many Thanksgivings feeding the hungry and most Christmas Days at a nursing home loving and being loved by people who weren’t going to have a visit from family. It wasn’t noble and it wasn’t a sacrifice. It was fun, and it marked our children.

Our vacations were trips to Idaho to see our grandparents and all of the aunts and uncles and cousins. Lapwai isn’t a vacation destination unless you want to cut sod, build a dam in the “crick,” learn to drive in the sod field, ride the school bus with Grandpa Dan, drink Grandma Weezie’s gravy, or camp on the Selway. Who wants to go to Disney when you can go to Lapwai?

What’s our hobby? Our kids.

Are we VIPs? We are to Braden, Taylor, Lillian, Emma, Hunter, Wilson, Reagan, Landon and Smith.

Are we wealthy? It depends on your definition of wealth.

What have we sacrificed? Absolutely nothing.

I am a Wilson…always have been, always will be. I’m also a Mraz, a Kemp, an Asimakoupoulos, a Pappas, a Tyrus, a Turley and even a McCoy.  I have something of each of those families in my genes. I’m very aware that I am who I am today because of my family heritage. I have strong Czech and Greek ancestry, and I love that.

I’m a Presbyterian. I’m also an A/G, a Charismatic, and a Word of Faith. Today, I guess I would identify myself as a Christ-follower.  At different stages of my life I was heavily influenced by each of these denominations/streams of the Body of Christ, and I love that. That is my spiritual heritage. Just as I couldn’t/wouldn’t say, “I used to be a Wilson,” I don’t say, “I used to be a Presbyterian.”

As a little girl at Lapwai Presbyterian Church (membership @ 65), I could recite The Apostle’s Creed before reciting the Apostle Creed was cutting edge. We sang the Gloria Patri and The Lord Bless You And Keep You With 7 Fold Amen, and I learned all four verses of A Mighty Fortress, O For a Thousand Tongues, Fairest Lord Jesus, Take Time To Be Holy, and on and on and on. Those rich aspects of the church are a part of my core. Why would I ever let go of that? Why would I “used to be” that? When I was in my Confirmation Class at age 12, I asked my pastor if a woman could be a pastor. He wasn’t real encouraging about that, but did suggest I might become a missionary. I didn’t realize I was feeling a calling into ministry at that time—I didn’t even know that there was such a thing. (One other thing, it’s not everybody who gets to sing Zulu Warrior and Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree at church camp.)

As a teenager, I fell in love with Jesus as a result of my involvement in an Assembly of God church. I don’t think the “Jesus Freak” movement ever made it to Lapwai, so I didn’t get to officially be one of them, but I did love Him. My pastor preached about Heaven a lot and could scare the Hell out of you if necessary!

When I went to Oral Roberts University (”the largest Charismatic University in the world”), I learned that God is a good God and I could expect a miracle. I became acquainted with the Holy Spirit and how He wanted to speak to me and that I could hear His voice. I experienced a new expression of worship. I met the Holy Spirit and my husband!

In the early years of our marriage, Dave and I were blessed to be in a setting where there was a great deal of emphasis on studying and speaking/professing/confessing God’s Word. It was the first time in my life that I understood the importance of hiding His Word in my heart and confessing and praying God’s Word. It hurts my heart today when I hear people mock the part of my heritage referred to as the “Word of Faith.” We fellowshipped in the heart of that community of faith and we learned how to “eat the hay and leave the sticks.”

As I’m writing this, I see the progression in my spiritual life of learning to:

1)      Love God

2)      Love Jesus

3)      Love the Holy Spirit

4)      Love His Word

Today, I find great peace in being able to find something to celebrate and even honor in the variety of expression in the Body of Christ. In the spirit of full disclosure, I also love the Gaithers!

1 Thessalonians 5: 12-28 (MSG)

The Way He Wants You to Live

 ^12-13And now, friends, we ask you to honor those leaders who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience. Overwhelm them with appreciation and love!

 ^13-15Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.

 ^16-18Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

 ^19-22Don’t suppress the Spirit, and don’t stifle those who have a word from the Master. On the other hand, don’t be gullible. Check out everything, and keep only what’s good. Throw out anything tainted with evil.

 ^23-24May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!

 ^25-27Friends, keep up your prayers for us. Greet all the followers of Jesus there with a holy embrace. And make sure this letter gets read to all the brothers and sisters. Don’t leave anyone out.

 ²⁸The amazing grace of Jesus Christ be with you!

Twenty-four years ago, when Daniel was four years old and Christine and Jessica were six, I felt like I heard in my heart, “You’ll have another baby, and this baby will save your family.” I was a bit startled and even a little defensive.  I thought we had a wonderful family and wasn’t sure what this meant. Just like Jesus’ mother, I “pondered these things in my heart,” and didn’t share it with anyone. Several months later we found out rather unexpectedly that I was expecting our fourth baby. In the fourth month of my pregnancy, I told Dave what I felt like the Lord had said to me several months before, and his response was similar to mine—There’s nothing wrong with our family! We led a very busy and fulfilling life in ministry. We loved each other very much. Our children were a delight to us. We had a nice house and two cars. What more could a family want or need? 

Anna Joy was born May 22, 1988. Our very busy life took on a new focus—this precious baby. Christine, Jessica and Daniel would fuss about whose “turn” it was to hold her. They would run in the house after school yelling, “I get Anna!  I get Anna!” The five older Grothes would sit for hours with our attention and our hearts focused on Anna Joy.  One night as we were all on the floor playing with Anna, Dave looked at me and said, “Talk about saving our family!”  God knew that we needed a little someone to jerk the slack out of us and bring us back to what was first priority—our family. Like a lot of people, we’ve never had a problem working diligently for the Lord, but we have had to remind ourselves that no one else can be Mom or Dad or Wife or Husband.

Now, back to Anna. Anna has always really loved her family. She tells us on a regular basis. She never wants to disappoint us. When she was a little toddler she would often say, “Mommy, are you glad to me?” She has always been a “snuggler,” and hugged and kissed her sissies and brother several times a day. Often, she will tear up and say, “I love my family so much.” We know God sent her to us as His “Ambassador Extraordinary” (Webster’s: An ambassador assigned to a specific mission) of love for our family. 

When Anna was about 4 years old she asked me, “Mommy, if I were a hummingbird, would you still love me as much?”  What a peculiar question for a little girl to ask. As I have thought about it, I think I understand what she was asking. In adult language we would probably ask, “Do you love me unconditionally?” “Will you always love me, no matter what?” It is so important that our family members know that the answer to those questions is yes—no matter what. I remember when Anna first heard the story about, “You’ll have another baby and this baby will save your family.” Her eyes filled with tears, and she gave me a big hug. She still loves to hear the story. She knows very specifically that God has had a purpose for her life even before she was born.  Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,  before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. 

Do your children know you love them no matter what? Do they know God has had a plan for them even before they were formed in the womb? Let me encourage you to regularly tell your children how precious they are to you and to God. Remind them often (2 Peter 1:12, “I plan to keep on reminding you of these things–even though you already know them…”) of the plan of God for their life.  Give your children a sense of purpose and destiny and they will press toward fulfilling their destiny.

Christmas is over. The tree and decorations are tucked away until next year. We are anticipating wonderful things for our family in 2011. All is well.

As I reflect on Christmas, I remember as a child asking Mom and Dad year after year what they wanted for Christmas. Their response was always the same. “I don’t need a thing,” or “I have everything I could want,” or “Don’t spend any money on me,” or “I just want us all to be happy.” I couldn’t imagine how anyone could say, “I have everything I could want.”  I, of course, always had a long list of items I hoped would be under the tree. A pink Barbie convertible, an Easy Bake oven, a snow-cone machine, a troll doll, a bike, a jean-jacket, and on and on and on. When it came time to unwrap the gifts, I was never disappointed.

Now, I’m the mom. When my children ask me what I want for Christmas or my birthday or Mother’s Day, I hear myself saying, “I don’t need a thing,” or “Don’t spend any money on me,” or “I just want us all to be happy.” I understand now. There’s nothing I need, and I no longer have a list of things I hope to find under a tree.

Instead, as a mom, here’s my list. More than anything, for Christine, David, Taylor, Hunter, Reagan, Jessica, Brad, Braden, Emma, Daniel, Lisa, Lillian, Wilson, Anna, and Stephen:

·         I pray for them to fulfill the purposes and calling of God on their lives.

·         I pray for them to have all of their needs met.

·         I pray for them to enjoy each other.

·         I pray for them to be healthy in their body, mind and spirit.

·         I pray for them to “go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.”

·         I pray for their homes to be filled with happy children who love Jesus.

·         I pray for them to love people.

·         I pray for them to always walk in the truth.

·         I pray for them to be full of peace and free from fear and oppression.

·         I pray for them to have good friends and be good friends.

·         I pray for them to be delivered from evil.

·         I pray for them to walk in favor with God and man.

·         I pray that they will listen for, hear, and obey the voice of God.

·         I pray that they will have divine protection every day of their lives.

·         I pray for them to be generous givers.

So, I have everything I need, and like moms everywhere, “I just want us all to be happy.” And we are.

Dave and I have been married for 33.5 years. We dated for 3.5 years and were married for 3.5 years before Christine and Jessica were born. During those seven years, we got to know each other and began the process of living together happily—do you like breakfast, are you a morning person or a late-night person, how high do you think we should hang our mirrors, do you mind if I leave the lamp on to read after we have gone to bed, do you want the roll of toilet paper to roll over or under. Then, when Christine and Jessica arrived, our relationship took a different turn. We were no longer focused on what WE wanted. We had two little girls to love, feed, nurture, and train. With twins, we were just happy to HAVE toilet paper—we didn’t really care which way it rolled off the holder! It’s funny how your priorities change. 

One day when I was nursing the girls Dave said to me, “All those years I just thought I loved you. Now when I see you with our babies, I know what real love is.” When we were dating and first married, love was about how we made each other feel. When our children were born, we learned that love is giving your life for someone else. Jesus expressed his love for us by giving His life for us.

Less than two years after Christine and Jessica were born, our dear Daniel was born. From early morning to late night (and sometimes in the middle of the night) our home was a state of perpetual motion, and we loved it! Five years later, sweet Anna Joy arrived and added a whole new dimension of tenderness to our home. We have hundreds of hours of videos taken at our home of our children having their first bath, eating their first green bean, rolling over for the first time, learning to walk, singing on the hearth, doing “interpretive dance” while their daddy played the piano and Daniel played the drums, celebrating birthdays and Christmas and every other holiday, learning to ride their bikes, building snowmen, playing basketball in the driveway, swinging on our swing set, building forts, having slumber parties, and on and on and on. Thirty years of joy-filled family living captured on video.

Then, Jessica married Brad and left to begin their own joy-filled family. God has added sweet Braden and Emma to their lives. Christine married David and left to begin their own joy-filled family. God has added precious Taylor, Hunter, and Reagan to their family. Daniel married Lisa and left to begin their own joy-filled family. God has added dear Lillian and Wilson to their family. Last July, Anna married Stephen and left to begin their own joy-filled family.

They are each discovering which way to roll the toilet paper and where to hang the mirrors in their new home. Each couple has invested in their own digital video camera, and has begun capturing their own special memories.

It’s pretty quiet at our house; kind of like it was 33 years ago. Today, I said to Dave, “Now, remind me. Which way do you want the toilet paper to roll off the roll?” He said he didn’t even remember. We decided that those things really don’t matter at all. What does matter is the spiritual heritage we are leaving our children and our grandchildren and all of those precious memories captured with the three video cameras we have worn out in the last 30 years.

Acts 20:24, “What matters most to me is to finish what God started: the job the Master Jesus gave me of letting everyone I meet know all about this incredibly extravagant gererosity of God.”

For many, many years we spent Thanksgiving Day at the church serving a yummy lunch to hundreds of people who were homeless or disadvantaged. Our children loved riding the buses to bring people to lunch. Riding the buses…serving lunch…playing with the children…and then hours cleaning up! It was always a long, happy day. They didn’t know what it was like to have a nice Thanksgiving  meal around our cozy kitchen table. There were always hundreds at the table.

This picture of Jessica was taken on Thanksgiving Day 1985, when she was 4 years old. It was her first solo, and she wanted to sing, “Make Me A Servant.” 

Make me a servant humble and meek.

Lord, let me lift up those who are weak.

And may the prayer of my heart always be,

Make me a servant. Make me a servant.

Make me a servant today. 

The best decision Dave and I ever made as parents was to involve our children in loving and serving others. It made them who they are today.

Matthew 20: 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Remember during the holiday season, Jesus didn’t come to be served, but to serve. That should be true of us as well. Your children will thank you.

November is a very lonely month for Dave and me. We don’t talk about it much…even to each other. I don’t really know why.

November is marked with loss. Dave’s dad passed away on Veteran’s day in November 1970. In November of 1974, his mother went to Heaven. In November of 1994, our dear friend (who was also Dave’s secretary) and her mother were suddenly killed in a tragic car accident. One year ago today, November 18, 2009, Dave and Daniel spent the day at the hospital bedside of our pastor and dear friend Billy Joe. With hymnals in hand, they sang hymns and prayed and treasured a few last hours with him. Four days later, he entered Heaven.

We are very good at chronicling the happy moments…the highpoints of our lives. We take pictures and place them in lovely frames throughout our homes. We build scrapbooks. And, in 2010, we tweet about them and post them on Facebook for all to read.

We’re not so good at chronicling the sad moments…the moments of loss and grief. Why is that? I don’t have an answer. I guess it’s the same reason Dave and I don’t talk about how lonely November is.

My life was marked the day I arrived on the campus of Oral Roberts University…the day I met David Grothe…the day I married David Grothe…the days Christine, Jessica, Daniel and Anna were born…and on and on and on. We have thousands of pictures to celebrate those events, and we talk about them often.

My life was also marked with each passing of family members and friends…many of them tragic and premature. The ache that I feel when I think about those losses seems too painful to even talk about. So, I don’t. Somehow, I don’t think it’s supposed to be that way. It minimizes those events and robs them of their full significance.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die.  A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.

It’s okay to grieve. More than that, it’s scriptural to grieve. After all, Jesus wept.

In a hotel room some time ago, as we hurriedly dressed for church, I asked Dave if he needed me to iron the shirt he had just taken out of the garment bag. He responded, “Only the part that shows.” My response back was, “Now, that will preach!”

My mom irons everything…from shirts to sheets, from tablecloths to tea towels, from hankies to headbands. She did what she could to train me, but that lesson just never “took.” I’m not an ironer… I’m a fluffer. There…I said it…I’m a fluffer! You might not know it by looking at me, but I’d much rather toss an item in the dryer and “fluff” it up than iron it. For years, Anna referred to our dryer as “the fluffer.” Apparently the ironing thing skips a generation, because all of my girls are ironing fanatics.

But I digress…only the part that shows. I was in a hurry. I needed to get myself ready, so I was glad he didn’t ask me to iron the whole shirt. As I was running the iron up and down either side of the buttons and button holes (you know, the part that shows after a man puts his jacket on), I had the thought, “What if he gets hot and has to take his jacket off? People will see how wrinkled his sleeves and the back of his shirt are.” In the interest of my reputation as a good wife, I decided to take the time to iron the entire shirt.

Only the part that shows. Boy, that statement really hit me. As I thought about it, I realized that there have been many times I have only allowed the Lord to correct the things in me that “show.” I’ve not allowed Him to press into some of the areas of my life that aren’t so visible…my attitude about certain issues, my feelings toward certain people, my spiritual discipline. Even when I’m convicted in my heart, sometimes I’m open to work on “only the part that shows.” In other words, sometimes I’m only open to adjust the things that others will see. (After all, I want others to think well of me.)

We are really deceiving ourselves when we think we can keep part of our lives hidden. Luke 12:2-3 (Message Bible) You can’t keep your true self hidden forever; before long you’ll be exposed. You can’t hide behind a religious mask forever; sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known. You can’t whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public; the day’s coming when those whispers will be repeated all over town.

Just something to think about…

Becky

The Book of Proverbs was written to give “prudence to those who are simple, knowledge and discretion to the young” and to make the wise even wiser.

Since I was in college, the Proverbs have been a daily source of practical encouragement.  Taking the 31 chapters of Proverbs, one chapter for each day of the month, they become words that we can apply to situations and challenges that come every day.

Let me encourage you to give the Proverbs the opportunity to strengthen your everyday life.  It only takes 5 minutes or less to read the chapter for each day, and will produce a real and tangible harvest of wisdom in your life.

Proverbs 3: 13-14

Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,
the man who gains understanding,

for she is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.

One of the most rewarding feelings a parent can ever have is to see their children make wise decisions.

Let these verses from the book of Proverbs encourage you toward raising Godly children and developing a home environment that is free from strive and confusion.

Proverbs 10:1 says “Wise children bring joy to their father…” and verse 5 talks about “the blessings of a prudent son…”

Proverbs 23:22-25 is a descriptive passage of the benefits of obedient children.

“22 Listen to your father, who gave you life,
and do not despise your mother when she is old.

23 Buy the truth and do not sell it;
get wisdom, discipline and understanding.

24 The father of a righteous man has great joy;
he who has a wise son delights in him.

25 May your father and mother be glad;
may she who gave you birth rejoice!”

God’s well-ordered plan for our homes is to have children who are obedient and respectful, and, as a result, moms and dads that are joyful and glad.